Summertime Sadness
by iliketowritefics
Summary: Leighade Two Shot Warning: Suicide
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The title is from Lana Del Rey, she's amazing. I don't really get how serious this whole disclaimer thing is so...**

(Leigh)

I pressed my lips hard against her hand feeling her soft skin brush across my lip, my tears were falling freely now. I'd given up on attempting to wipe them, it was useless. I closed my eyes briefly pretending that when I opened them again the scene in front of me would be different and I would wipe my tears and smile. I relished the thought for a moment while I found rest in the darkness; slowly however I re-opened my eyes immediately accepting everything I saw.

She was too thin, not how she used to be. I remember her strong, funny and happy. I've come to learn that life isn't fair and it certainly wasn't to Jade. As my thoughts rushed through my mind and her name touched my thoughts I felt my heart break again. I took a shaky breath returning my gaze to hers.

(Jade)

I watched Leigh, watched each of her movements, every breath she took I watched it leave her so intently anyone would think the air leaving her lips were visible. She held my hand against her lips and would occasionally place a small kiss against it, each time she did I would feel a tug in my heart. I wanted to be ok for her, to laugh and jump up and leave this fucking place with her hand in mine. We could return to our lives as they were. We'd be leaving for our holiday tomorrow, it was going to be a chance to get away, to be a couple and just enjoy each other's company. My heart tugged again, I didn't mind any of the pain. Not the heart break or physical pain because I know that Leigh is suffering worse, she has to carry on.

I summoned my strength and willed the hand she was holding to tighten, to give her something no matter how small. Feeling it she looked at me again and attempted a smile, she tried so hard to keep it there but quickly a small whimper escaped her lips and her mouth dropped. I hated causing her this pain, I hated leaving her. I hated not being strong enough to get up and hug her, to tell her everything will be fine, that she'll be fine.

"I love you" my voice didn't feel like mine, it was rough and weak. She looked up at me sadly,

"I love you too, so much" her voice cracked and her eyes welled up.

"Come here Leigh" she glanced up at me,

"The doctor said…"

"Fuck the doctor, it's not going to make a difference" I took in a deep breath the short exchange of words was exhausting. Leigh-Anne got up off her chair and lay beside me, she rested her head against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. She leant up kissing me softly before laying her head down again. I could hear my heart beating rapidly as I rested my head against hers. I was feeling tired now, my eyes felt heavy.

"Leigh I'm sorry, I love you so much" She looked up at me, her eyes widening as she saw me,

"Oh fuck Jade, I love you so much. More than I've ever loved anyone, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me" her tears were falling fast now, as quickly as I was slipping. I leant my face down toward her searching for her familiar lips. The part of her that connected us, the part of her I called home. She lifted her mouth up to mine kissing me slowly but with more passion and love I'd ever felt in my life. I tried to show her my love through my mouth and movements but my body wasn't co-operating the way it should. I pulled back slightly,

"I love you, never forget it" it was a whisper, a croak but it was all I could manage. My vision was blurring, the colours blending and joining, contorting in ways that defied their true structure.

Slowly the colours became images, no a memory. Slowly a scene was playing in front of me, it was our wedding day. I looked over at her, I was over whelmed, she looked beautiful. Her dress complimenting her skin tone and made her eyes stand out clearer than I'd ever seen them. I looked to my side and saw Perrie and Jesy stood smiling at me. Jesy was crying and Perrie held her hand her own eyes watering. I looked back to Leigh-Anne. I couldn't hear the scene but I knew that I got to kiss her now. I felt it, the excitement building. I leant and kissed her for the first time as my wife, her arms wrapped around me as we melted into each other's touch. I broke free smiling like a fool, turning my head I saw our guests, everyone we knew and loved, family and friends crying and smiling and cheering. I felt pressure against me as I turned to see Perrie and Jesy pulling us into a group hug. I sighed, everyone I'd ever loved stood beside me, it was perfection.

The colours melted again forming a new scene, I found myself lay in bed with my head resting on Leigh's chest, her warmth flowing through me. We were tangled in each other, lying still just being. It was simplistic and yet heartbreakingly beautiful. It was our honeymoon, the first night we'd spent together as a married couple. The night was warm and perfect; we lay with just a thin sheet over our naked bodies. Leigh leant toward me kissing my lips and filling my soul. I sighed at the simple beauty of the memory. Everything began melting and morphing quickly now flashing scenes of my life, scenes of Leigh, of Perrie and Jesy and of family. I relaxed into the memories allowing them to wrap me in their safety promising happiness. I let them take me, carrying me far away to a place I've never known.

(Leigh)

"Jade?" I was crying hard now, everything blurring in front of me. My hands were on either side of her face shaking her, her eyes didn't open and her chest didn't rise. The room was silent aside from my breath, I felt trapped. She was gone; the love of my life was gone.

"No,no,no,no,no,no" It was like a mantra to me, if I chanted it enough she'd wake up. I felt frustration building fighting to escape. I moaned.

"Fuck! Fuck!FUCK!" I was screaming now, I had no control of what was happening to me. I moved back from her, back against the wall. My back hit the wall and my legs buckled as I sunk to the floor. I felt so cold, I felt numb.

"Please Jade… please" I had no concept of what was happening, everything felt fake. I saw the door open and Jesy and Perrie come in. Immediately Jesy knelt beside me pulling me to her, my head rested on her shoulder as I watched Perrie with no feeling.

She looked so white, paler than usual and her face was a picture of despair. She made her way to Jade as she reached a hand out and touched her face.

The sound that left her mouth was like nothing I'd ever heard, tears crashed down her face as she fell to her knees leaning with her head on the bed her forehead against her arms.

"No… Fuck" I could hear her pain but I couldn't feel it. I just felt empty, tears fell down my face but I didn't feel them, cries escaped my mouth but I didn't hear them. I could feel Jesy shaking against me but could do nothing to help her. I was useless; the one thing in my life that gave me purpose was gone. I didn't know how to function, to think, to breathe, to feel, to exist.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The title still belongs to Lana Del Rey**

(Leigh)

Shock had taken over my body, sinking into every inch of my being. The nurse was talking to me slowly, her face held a sadness that I knew I should feel.

"Leigh-Anne, I'm so sorry" she struggled to find words, her eyes watered slightly as she tried to hold a professional front. All of the doctors and nurses had become familiar with Jade because of how much she was in this fucking place. Slowly the nurse stretched her hand toward me, I stared at it trying to understand her gesture. Her hand shook slightly and I saw the light dance off the item she held. It was Jade's wedding ring, the ring that should never have left her finger. I felt sick. I saw my shaking hand rise not feeling the movement I had subconsciously made; she dropped the ring into my palm. Slowly I closed my fingers over it, not able to stand the sight of it.

"Come on Leigh" Jesy's voice was quiet, defeated. I felt her hand on my back as she began to lead me out of the hospital, away from Jade. No, there was no Jade anymore.

I woke up slowly, stretching my arms out for Jade. Her side of the bed was cold and empty. Slowly I sat up my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. Where was she? The bathroom light was off and I could hear no sounds coming from the rest of the house. Confusion wracked my brain as I reached for the light beside me, blinking against the light I stared down at the bedside table. Just beside the lamp were two passports, tickets jutting out of the top of both. My eyes shifted to the ring, Jade's ring. It began to rise slowly, the panic. I stumbled from my bedroom making my way to the spare room. Tears were beginning to form and yet my brain was blank. I didn't know why I was crying and I didn't know why I was walking into the spare bedroom. And why was Jade's ring on the side? Where is she? I flipped the light on.

"Leigh?" Jesy sat up sleepily staring at me,

"Whe… Where's Jade?" I was scared, something was wrong but I couldn't quite remember. I stared at Jesy searching for an answer, tears began to fall down her face and Perrie let out a whimper as she lay quietly beside Jesy. I felt as though a train had just hit me, as though someone was holding onto my neck too tightly. I gasped searching for breath, needing oxygen. The panic had taken hold now and it was reluctant to release me.

"No…" I gasped. She had to still be here, she was probably just in another room. I ran, making my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Jade?" I could hear the panic in my voice. There was no sign of her. I ran into the music room. My eyes lingered on Jade's piano before quickly scanning over the guitars. Nothing. I was scared now, only the living room was left. I began to run down the hallway almost knocking into Jesy as I did. Finally I made it to the living room. My breath was rattling in my chest and I could hear my heart beating in my ears. When I turn the light on I'm going to see her with the lamp on curled up reading a book, I squeezed my eyes shut as if I were making a wish before turning the light on. The couches were empty, her book lay on the coffee table untouched.

Suddenly I remembered everything, she was gone. The emptiness in my heart began to swallow me up.

"No,no,no,no… Jade" The pain and hurt hit me full in the chest. I felt lost.

"Leigh…" Jesy stood behind me with just her hand resting on my back. I turned round before throwing myself into her arms. My knees felt weak, they buckled and both of us fell to the floor. Kneeling Jesy held me against herself as I cried and screamed.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that for, frankly I didn't care. Little mattered to me anymore, it was all irrelevant. Eventually however I felt my eyes begin to dry, I had nothing left to cry. My throat was burning from my sobs and my voice was rough and husky. I wanted to escape, to leave this entire day behind me, to forget it ever happened.

"Come one Leigh, we need to try to get some sleep. You should stay with me and Perrie, we can all fit" She held me at arm's length, forcing me to meet her gaze. "We love you Leigh and together we're going to get through this" She attempted a smile but it was weak. I wanted to argue, to tell her that nothing would be ok again but I was fed up of talking. I just wanted to lie in silence.

I'd been listening to Perrie and Jesy breathe deeply for an hour now. I didn't know the time, I didn't care. Slowly I got up, trying my hardest not to wake either of them. I made my way into mine and Jade's room, slowly making my way to my side of the bed. I sat down slowly, reaching a shaky hand toward the table and picking up Jade's passport. I removed the ticket feeling such anger toward it, we should be happy together in Paris. This was the reality though. I opened up the passport slowly flipping through it. I saw the stamps for all the places she'd visited, America, Canada, Italy and Spain. Eventually I reached the picture. It hadn't been taken long ago, she'd needed a new passport when we went to America. I smiled sadly at the memory. Glancing back to the picture I stared at it drinking in every tiny detail. Tears stung my eyes beginning to blur my vision. I placed the passport beside me before reaching and picking up the ring. I could remember her face when I asked her, how it lit up brighter than I'd ever seen it. How even through her tears her smile shone through, I remembered the way she kissed me. I thought back to our wedding day, I remembered how in awe of her beauty I was, how lucky I felt.

Slowly I stood, pulling on a pair of shoes and a jacket. I placed the ring in my pocket and picked up the passport holding it close. I made my way downstairs with such certainty, I walked straight into the kitchen picking up the pen for the white board and writing a quick note to Perrie and Jesy. I then left, closing the door to our house. I walked down our street walking aimlessly in any direction. I had no-where to go, or no-where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with her, only her.

My thoughts had been so focused on Jade I didn't notice where I had wandered to. The wind was strong on my face, its warm caress touched me as she used to. I leant into it walking further over the bridge. Slowly I turned my head, glancing over the bridge I made my way to the edge. I stared out over the landscape that rolled before me, Jade would have liked it here. I lifted myself onto the edge, sitting on the huge concrete slab. Carefully I pulled the ring out of my pocket, I held it for a moment letting a tear fall down my cheek. I turned it over in my fingers allowing it to spark my memories. I laughed lightly before sliding it onto my ring finger on top of my wedding ring. I stared at both of the rings admiring their beauty and how perfectly they complemented each other. Pulling my gaze away I picked up Jade's passport. I opened it to the picture, gazing down at her face.

I allowed my gaze to drop staring at the river far below me. It ran freely paving its own path through the landscape; nothing controlled it or stopped it. It was natural and powerful. I felt tears leave my eyes, running down my cheeks and onto my legs. I gazed down at my hand holding onto the edge, our rings lay on my finger. I let myself feel everything, let my mind remind me of my last few moment with her. Our last kiss, the last time she told me she loved me. My heart ached as slowly I stood moving closer to the edge. It was so simple, the logic. I couldn't live in a world without her. I could feel the break in my heart, the huge gaping hole that could never be filled. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I gazed toward the sunrise. I could see it, the colours streaking the horizon as the sun slowly rose bathing the world in light.

I breathed deeply thinking back to my note to Jesy and Perrie. 'I'm sorry, I love you both'. They'd understand wouldn't they? I didn't want to hurt them but I couldn't survive without her. The thought of Jade pushed all feeling of doubt or selfishness from my heart and mind; this is the only way we can be together again. Her face formed in front of my mind, she laughed lightly and I relaxed. I could see her beckoning for me to come. The image took over my me stealing all my fear and pain. I was left with one thought; Jade and one emotion; love. I moved my feet forward slowly, balancing on the edge. The river looked inviting, warm, comfortable.

"I love you Jade" my words were a whisper. I took one deep breath and filled every thought with Jade. Of being with Jade forever, never having to lose her again.

I stepped off the bridge. There was no fear. Just falling and Jade.

I felt myself smash against the water and yet there was no pain. Everything was dark, I could feel it stretching over my body, clouding my brain. I welcomed it, there was no fight left in me.

Through the darkness I could see her walking toward me. Jade. She reached me and held her hand toward me, I reached mine to hers feeling her against me again. She pulled me into her, wrapping my body in her warmth. I was content; she was here with me again. The pain of losing her disintegrated and instead I was wrapped in love.

"I love you" I whispered not wanting to shatter the moment,

"I love you too, more than anything" her voice, I felt a tear roll down my face. A tear of utter relief. Slowly I moved my head up toward her, my lips searching for hers. She leant down toward me slowly bringing her lips to mine. I kissed her with all the love I could muster, allowing all the pain I had felt leave me. She was with me and I was never going to lose her again.

"You're not going to leave me again, are you?" I looked into her eyes finding the warmth I had been praying for,

"Never again, I promise" She kissed me again wrapping me in everything she is or ever was. I became a part of Jade and she became a part of me. Our love stretched further than life and into this strange new world. She took my hand and led me through the darkness, my guide and the love of my life.

"Wait, Jade I almost forgot" She stopped and turned to look at me expectantly. I glanced down at my hand before removing her wedding ring from my finger. I held it out toward her. I saw tears fall from her eyes as she took it placing it on her bare finger.

"Thank you" She stared at the ring before moving her gaze back to mine. Again she took hold of my hand and we began to walk again. Walking together into nothing.

A smile slowly spread across my face, I was with her again. With Jade.


End file.
